When you believe in your value, you can accommodate more joy.
Gay Hendricks, celebrated psychologist and author, wrote a book called The Big Leap. In this book, he identifies behaviors and reasons why we engage in self-sabotage. He calls it the Upper Limit – and the belief is this: we’re not quite ready to be happy all the time.
We’ve all heard of self-sabotage: we unconsciously create barriers, or worse – damaging behaviors – that prevent us from living a life that is fulfilling. We all want success and abundance. And yet, when we set goals and move forward to achieving them, we get in our own ways.
Because we like the safety of our comfort zone.
So what can you do? First, identify when you Upper Limit yourself.
- Worry. You worry alot. Your mind-chatter is going 90 miles an hour.
- Criticism & Blame. You blame others for things that go wrong in your life. If only… it’s his fault that… it’s not fair that… etc.
- Deflecting. You can’t take a compliment. When you receive a pat on the back, you have a comment that you typically shoot off – oh, it was nothing…
- Squabbling. You seem to pick up tension and create arguments out of thin air. Things are going well with your spouse, and you can’t help but get so ticked off by the way she chews her food.
- Getting Sick. You pick up the flu, or roll your ankle, just before you were supposed to meet with your boss for a potential raise.
Do any of these sound familiar? It’s important to identify when you Upper Limit yourself. But, to add on to what Gay has shared, I believe it’s more important to understand why. Because when you can get down to the root of the problem, you can prevent them from happening all together.
What are the four reasons why we Upper Limit ourselves?
- You don’t feel like enough. You may feel like there’s something fundamentally wrong with you. “I don’t have what it takes to get to there.” This is true for every. single. person. out there who hasn’t achieved unconditional self-love.
- You don’t feel like you deserve it. “Who are we to be happy, when our own daughter isn’t happy? How can it possibly be alright for us to make double the income that our dad made? If the people we love don’t get to have what we want, who we are to have what we want?”
- You don’t want to give up your old patterns. In order to achieve higher levels of success, we need to change our ways. That’s the joy of creating and achieving – it’s not to check off boxes, it’s to experience what it’s like to become the person that can make things happen. But in order to get there, we need to change. “And that means sacrificing your old self for a new self – that comes with giving up things that we find enjoy now”
Live with intention. Lead with inspiration.